Category Archives: Social

Finding Clarity with my Social Health

Good morning Dear Reader, 

This week’s affirmation: 

“There is clarity within me and around me.”

Something I realized a few years ago is that I am the only person who will ever truly know me. I’m the only one who will know what my intentions are. I’m the only one who will know what my context is. I’m the only one who will truly understand what I mean. 

There’s something a little interesting and frustrating in the idea that when you connect with other human beings, you can be misunderstood. People can “hear” you through their own filter of experience, preconceived notions, and opinions. 

I’ve been with Andrew for 5 years and counting. I noticed around our second or third year, we would get into a lot of little spats. More often than not it was due to one of us misunderstanding the other. I couldn’t actually “hear” him because I was in my feelings. He couldn’t understand me because he misread the context. This happened all the time. 

Two things about me: I always look for solutions and relationships are important to me. If I notice there are problems around me, I give a serious effort into dissecting and solving that problem. At that time of our relationship, I often wondered what the actual problem was. The spats themselves were just a symptom. We even discussed it together. I would ask him, “well what is the real problem here,” and after a while of talking and thinking and debating and just being open, we discovered it. We had a communication problem. Somewhere along the lines, the words, thoughts, and opinions got lost in translation from his head to mine. Somewhere along the way, the meaning got lost. 

Admittedly, that was the most frustrating thing in the world for me. Something about being misunderstood is one of the very few things that irk me. If you know me in person, you know that while I’m very passionate and bubbly I get very flustered when I don’t understand a subject or am misunderstood. 

What is kind of amazing about my relationship with Andrew is that he and I are always growing and adapting to each other. You are constantly growing. You’re not the same person you were in high school. You’re not the same person you were when you were four. You’re not even the same person you were last year. Life is about constant improvement and growth. In love and relationships, it’s the same thing. You have to grow and hopefully, you can grow together. When we first met, Andrew was really into music production and after a couple of years, he became passionate about art and content creation. He became a different person and so did I. 

Somewhere along the way though, I did open up to him and told him that we needed to communicate differently. Not more. Differently, because sometimes I couldn’t understand him. Then through some trial and error, we came to a good balance. When he talks to me, he uses a lot of parables to help me understand. I use a lot of metaphors to help convey my feelings. That works for us. The last argument we got into didn’t even last before I got to work.

This is the kind of magic I try to bring to all of my relationships. I know that I’m a very emotional person. My existence and perception of this world rely heavily on my emotions. Because of this, when I try to get people to understand me, I more so try to get them to understand how I felt about a situation. At the same time, if I feel like I’m not understanding the person, I ask questions. I try to get to the meat of the issue so that we can come to at least a common ground. 

I think that having the ability to communicate meaning is a powerful skill. It is something I consider myself good at but I’m constantly learning. Learning to be more authentic. Learning to be more empathetic. Learning to connect with others in meaningful ways. All of that is important to me and something I strive for in every relationship. 

Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day. 🙂

Shannon M. 

If you’d like the book for yourself, you can find it on Amazon here. You can also visit Denise Linn’s website here.

Honoring my Social Commitments

Good morning Dear Reader, 

This week’s affirmation: 

“I honor my commitments to myself and others.”

One thing you should know about me is that I am an introverted social butterfly. When you first meet me, I am a super shy person. If the energy is there though, you’ll wonder if the person you first met was the same person. 

I love people. So much. The different energies that people bring can sometimes give me life. Connection. Love. Joy. Togetherness. That’s my cup of tea. What is interesting is how one social circle is different from the next. My work friends are different from my school friends. My kink friends are different from my anime friends. My witchy friends are different from my clubbing friends. 

It’s almost addicting, the different feelings and energies I experience. Until this moment, I never realized how many people I know. And I don’t mean just names. Like to share your story with people and have them share with you is so beautiful to me. We spend our lives in our own heads with our own stories and struggles. Sometimes we forget that other humans have an equally enriching experience. So to connect with others. To see that enrichment. To touch each other’s lives is magical to me.

Something I need to do though is find balance. Although I am mostly extroverted, I do need time to recharge. I’m so used to giving until there is nothing left and that’s not healthy. Yes, a connection is good, but time alone is good too. Being able to sit with myself and my thoughts isn’t a strong suit for me, but something I need to commit to. I need to balance the commitments I make with others and the commitments I make to myself. 

I can do this by not saying yes to so many things, by scheduling “me” time and sticking to it and really doing for myself. 

Warm regards,

Shannon M. 

If you’d like the book for yourself, you can find it on Amazon here. You can also visit Denise Linn’s website here.

Evaluating my Social Health

Good morning Dear Reader,

“My evaluation of myself is not who I am.”

Keeping with the theme, I’ve been considering my relationships with others. 

Something I’ve noticed: how people see me versus how I see me doesn’t align. As I said early this week, my view of myself isn’t very positive. However, when I ask others about how they see me, there are a lot of positives. 

I’ve been really processing why this is. What is stopping me from seeing what they see? Will I ever see myself the way others do?

I’m not sure. However, I think that it’s important for me to try to be more logical about my view of myself. Rather than continue to look at myself through a negative lens, I should try to be more objective. If I sift through until I get the facts about myself, when I’m feeling low, I can rely on those facts. 

For example, a truth about me:

I am resilient. It doesn’t matter how low I’m feeling, how much in the depths of despair I am, this is a fact. I have bounced back from so many things in the course of my life, that even I can’t reject this idea. There is too much proof to dispute it. 

In regards to others, I realize and acknowledge I am much kinder and forgiving and loving to others than I am to myself. I have the capacity for a lot of love, I just need to learn to turn that onto myself. 

This is difficult, but not impossible.

Warm Regards,

Shannon M.

If you’d like the book for yourself, you can find it on amazon here. You can also visit Denise Linn’s website here.

Social

Good morning Dear Readers,

Today we should all try to do something sociable. As I said in the last post, humans are social creatures by nature. It is in our very essence to make connections with other beings and form relationships. Is very important to foster those relationships regularly. Having healthy relationships with other people is very important to our mental psyche. Incorporating small social things into your day-to-day life will help these healthy relationships grow and develop.

It is especially important for people who suffer from mental health issues to maintain their social relationships. For example, people who suffer from depression will sometimes keep to themselves.  This does not help them as much as they may think it does. When you are by yourself, the depressive feelings can fester and become more intense. Rather, you should be around other people. Especially during your depressive episodes since being around others keeps the negative feelings at bay.

It should be noted that when you are depressed, it is imperative that you are not around people who increase your depressive symptoms. That is another reason why it is so important to have healthy relationships.  When you are around people who lift you up, your mood will be lifted eventually.  If you are around people who consistently put you down or hurt you in anyway, it will only increase your depressive symptoms.  

If you’re the type of person who only has toxic people in your life, work on finding healthier relationships.

Even if you are the type that is introverted or doesn’t like to be around people, you can still gain something from being social. Today, try having a cup of coffee with a co-worker or a friend. If that is too overwhelming due to the short notice, try asking someone on a coffee date today. It’s important to know our own boundaries but it is also important to push those boundaries when we can. If meeting someone in real life is too much try having a Skype coffee date with someone. If even that is too much on the spot try  planning a Skype date for the near future.

Warm Regards,

Shannon

Social

Good afternoon Dear Reader,

We are all social creatures. Some more so than others but we each have a basic desire to be social. Tonight, try having dinner or coffee with a friend or coworker. Call up a family member.

Even if you are the type of person who is mostly solitary, try being social in your own capacity. If that is in the form of a planned get together once a week or month, do so. If that’s the form of an online chat group at the end of your day, that’s fine. The point is to weave a little social interaction into your life.

Warm Regards,

Shannon

Social

Good morning Dear Reader,

Being social can be really important. Especially if you’re someone who experiences depression. Being social doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be around people. Perhaps you’re the type who gets too shy to be with a group. Maybe you’re the introverted type who needs pre-planned social events. That’s completely okay! Try scheduling some social activity with a trusted friend. Have a phone call with a family member. Join a chat group for a few minutes. Just do something with another person. Sometimes it’s good to get out of your own head. Whatever the medium you choose, mingle with another human being.

Warm Regards,

Shannon