Good morning Dear Reader,
This week’s affirmation:
“There is clarity within me and around me.”
Something I realized a few years ago is that I am the only person who will ever truly know me. I’m the only one who will know what my intentions are. I’m the only one who will know what my context is. I’m the only one who will truly understand what I mean.
There’s something a little interesting and frustrating in the idea that when you connect with other human beings, you can be misunderstood. People can “hear” you through their own filter of experience, preconceived notions, and opinions.
I’ve been with Andrew for 5 years and counting. I noticed around our second or third year, we would get into a lot of little spats. More often than not it was due to one of us misunderstanding the other. I couldn’t actually “hear” him because I was in my feelings. He couldn’t understand me because he misread the context. This happened all the time.
Two things about me: I always look for solutions and relationships are important to me. If I notice there are problems around me, I give a serious effort into dissecting and solving that problem. At that time of our relationship, I often wondered what the actual problem was. The spats themselves were just a symptom. We even discussed it together. I would ask him, “well what is the real problem here,” and after a while of talking and thinking and debating and just being open, we discovered it. We had a communication problem. Somewhere along the lines, the words, thoughts, and opinions got lost in translation from his head to mine. Somewhere along the way, the meaning got lost.
Admittedly, that was the most frustrating thing in the world for me. Something about being misunderstood is one of the very few things that irk me. If you know me in person, you know that while I’m very passionate and bubbly I get very flustered when I don’t understand a subject or am misunderstood.
What is kind of amazing about my relationship with Andrew is that he and I are always growing and adapting to each other. You are constantly growing. You’re not the same person you were in high school. You’re not the same person you were when you were four. You’re not even the same person you were last year. Life is about constant improvement and growth. In love and relationships, it’s the same thing. You have to grow and hopefully, you can grow together. When we first met, Andrew was really into music production and after a couple of years, he became passionate about art and content creation. He became a different person and so did I.
Somewhere along the way though, I did open up to him and told him that we needed to communicate differently. Not more. Differently, because sometimes I couldn’t understand him. Then through some trial and error, we came to a good balance. When he talks to me, he uses a lot of parables to help me understand. I use a lot of metaphors to help convey my feelings. That works for us. The last argument we got into didn’t even last before I got to work.
This is the kind of magic I try to bring to all of my relationships. I know that I’m a very emotional person. My existence and perception of this world rely heavily on my emotions. Because of this, when I try to get people to understand me, I more so try to get them to understand how I felt about a situation. At the same time, if I feel like I’m not understanding the person, I ask questions. I try to get to the meat of the issue so that we can come to at least a common ground.
I think that having the ability to communicate meaning is a powerful skill. It is something I consider myself good at but I’m constantly learning. Learning to be more authentic. Learning to be more empathetic. Learning to connect with others in meaningful ways. All of that is important to me and something I strive for in every relationship.
Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day. 🙂