Category Archives: Physical

Loving the Body I Have

Good morning Dear Reader, 

This week’s affirmation: 

“I love and accept who I am and who I am is enough.”

I think so many people worry about their body image. You’re not X enough. You’re not Y enough. It’s one of the most frustrating feelings in the world. Little story about the before times:

When I was with my ex I went from about 145 pounds to about 175 pounds in about 2 years. Neither he nor his mother liked that so they would “encourage me” to lose weight by having me take Epsom salts (4x the recommended dosage) every day for a couple of months. They would also buy me clothes that were a size too small. Needless to say, that didn’t work and it hurt my self-esteem. 

When I got with Andrew, I was a whole mess. Insecure, low-self esteem, all traumatized and so and so. I remember when we first started dating, he would tell me how beautiful I was. He did it subconsciously for about a year and some change. (When I brought it to his attention he stopped for a little while then he started doing consciously for the past 4 years). 

It was maybe about 8 months into the relationship where I finally felt like “oh I’m not ugly” or “oh, I’m not fat, that guy from before was just abusive,” that kinda thing. I was able to let go of a lot of the baggage I’d been carrying. 

Now, during those 5 years, I’d gone from 175lbs to about 215lbs was my max. Then it became less about him thinking I was beautiful and more about what I thought of myself. I didn’t care for how I looked or felt so this year I’d been taking steps to get to where I am comfortable. I lost about 45lbs this year and am just under 170lbs. It’s funny that I’m happier now at the weight I am then I was the last time I was 170lbs. 

It would be a lie to say that I’m completely comfortable with my body. I still have residual body image issues. However, I learned something from both of these experiences:

  1. I have the power to change
  2. Words are powerful

My mother would tell me growing up “if you don’t like something about yourself, change it” and I carry that with me. I started fasting and doing keto and working out and just making positive changes that made me feel good. I even did one of those weight loss programs where they give you the B12 shots and appetite suppressants. I didn’t do it long though since I had a history of being lowkey addicted to weight loss stuff. But what I did do, was piggyback off of that to teach myself to eat smaller portions. It was way easier to do keto and intermittent fasting that way. I started cooking better food and going to Grocery Outlet more. During my meal break at work, I go for a walk. The more regularly I did these things, the better I felt.

I noticed that his daily mantra of telling me how beautiful I was soaked in. It was not at all immediate and I would often tell him how wrong he was at first. Slowly yet surely, I started to believe it. Eventually, I would make comments in the mirror like “ya know, I’m kinda pretty” or “I look really good today,” etc. and it was organic. 

This makes me wonder: If I chose a new mantra about any area of life where I lack confidence, could I change my truth. If I said for a year “I am capable, I have worth”, would I eventually feel that? I think so. Something I’ve been working on is using kinder words with myself. 

Regardless, I commit to accepting the body I have. I am trying to think of it has health rather than how others look at it. It is my temple and I need to keep it in good shape. Doing healthy things rather than worrying about aesthetics. Where I am right now is enough. I am enough. 

Thanks for reading. 

Warm Regards, 

Shannon M. 

If you’d like the book for yourself, you can find it on Amazon here. You can also visit Denise Linn’s website here.

Finding Clarity with my Physical Health

Good morning Dear Reader, 

This week’s affirmation: 

“There is clarity within me and around me.”

It’s such a struggle to know what to do but not do it. 

I’ll tell you the secret to losing weight. You ready? The key to looking and feeling better. 

Eating more healthy food. Eating less unhealthy food. Get up and exercise. 

Mind. Blown. 

Do you realize how crazy this is? That it’s “so easy” and yet many of us don’t do it. On paper it’s so simple it’s laughable. Yet, why can’t I do it? There are so many emotional and financial reasons for eating unhealthy food. There are so many mental and time barriers getting in the way of working out. At least that’s the perception. 

It’s frustrating, to say the least. 

For me, I’ve been trying to be more sneaky about my fitness goals. Like I’ll walk to the trolley station (30 min) instead of taking the bus. I walk on my lunch breaks. I have a dedicated “snack time” so that any sweets are only during that time. Those kinds of things. Sneaky sneak some fitness in there every day.

I’m not saying that will work for everyone, but that works for me. 

Something I need to seriously work on is finding balance. Being able to improve all the areas of my life in a steady progression. I don’t want to succeed in my physical health while my spiritual health fades away etc. I’m just trying to find a good rhythm that works for me. 

I think I can do it though 🙂 

Test things out and see what sticks. 

Thank you for reading and have a great day. ^-^

Shannon M. 

If you’d like the book for yourself, you can find it on Amazon here. You can also visit Denise Linn’s website here.

Honoring my Physical Commitments

Good morning Dear Reader,

“I honor my commitments to myself and others.”

Keeping with the theme of the week, today I’m thinking about my physical wellness. 

I’ll level with you friend: I am constantly between a certain level of hedonism when it comes to my physical health and wanting to “go hard” and make big changes. 

On one hand it’s like: I’m grown. I’m gonna do what I want. Eat what I want. Go for a walk when I want. Whatever makes me happy in that moment. 

On the other hand it’s like: I’m disciplined. I’m gonna do keto. I’m gonna go to the gym everyday. Sweat everyday. Eat all the healthy foods. 

It’s odd because I have had periods of time when I’m doing all the things and periods when I’m doing the worst things. So I know I have that discipline in me. It’s just a matter of tapping into that discipline so I can be consistent enough to get the results I want. I’m sure with a little more self work, I can figure it out. 

Shannon M. 

If you’d like the book for yourself, you can find it on amazon here. You can also visit Denise Linn’s website here.

Evaluating my Physical Health

Good morning Dear Reader,

“My evaluation of myself is not who I am.”

Keeping with the theme of the week, today I’m thinking about my physical wellness. 

For years, I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I had the worst image of myself but in 2016 I broke away with a lot of that negative self image thanks to the help of my boyfriend Andrew. With his words of encouragement, I at least got to the point of not feeling like I was ugly. 

Recently though, I’ve discovered a new problem. 

I have a love-hate relationship with food. I love food immensely, but I hate it at the same time. I’m constantly obsessing over everything I eat and thinking “this is making me fat” or “this is why I’m fat” etc. etc. 

At the beginning of 2018 I was pushing about 210lbs. I worked hard this year with a combination of diet changes, working out, and one of those weight loss programs where they give you appetite suppressants and B12 shots. 

As of this posting I’m at 169lbs. I haven’t been this size since college and I am really happy with my progress. I feel comfortable in clothes for the first time ever but I’m not fully comfortable in my skin (that’s the next step). 

The problem I’m currently facing is that I’ve noticed a lot of negative thinking towards food. Sometimes I skip meals or even a day of eating. In moderation it’s okay but I’ve been noticing I’m almost afraid of eating because I’m afraid of gaining the weight back. 

A lot of my fears come from some trauma in the past but I’ve been struggling to leave it in the past. I don’t know why but I know it’s not healthy. 

Both of my mentors have been trying to help me with this. Telling me that starving myself and relying on appetite suppressants isn’t the way. I know they are correct and I’m trying to teach myself to be more secure with food. Food is life and should enrich and fuel me. 

I’ve been cooking more and reminding myself that food is not my enemy. My body needs love and tenderness and food. I need to cherish myself in order to thrive. 

Warm Regards,

Shannon M. 

If you’d like the book for yourself, you can find it on amazon here. You can also visit Denise Linn’s website here.

Day 1: Review

Good evening dear readers,

This evening I did day one of the 90 Days of Action from Darebee. Found here. It was a good start.

In terms of eating, I did pretty well.

Meal 1: Beans, rice, chicken.

Snack: Popcorn

Meal 2: Spaghetti squash with vegetables, and chicken.

Snack: Chocolate bagel

Other: A glass of Red Wine

I learned something about myself today. I learned that between about 2pm and 6pm is the time I’ll have the most cravings and snack the most.

Well, I think that today was an overall success. ^_^

Warm Regards,

The Spectacular Swan

Day 1: Lunch

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My second meal was delicious. Although I did have a snack, my meal was pretty healthy.

Day One Begins!

Welcome friends!

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Today is day one of my fitness journey. I am excited and egar to be starting. I bought all my food yesterday and prepped all this morning.

I am exicted to be starting.