Category Archives: Physical Wellness

30 Days of You

Hello Dear Reader 🙂

This isn’t my typical type of post so please bear with me 🙂

Yes it has been awhile but I am back yet again. If you’ve been following my blog, you already know this past year has not been the greatest for me. You’ve been with me through my ups and downs. You read my posts even though they were very sparing. Some of you even sent me encouraging messages. For that, I thank you. This blog and all of you have helped me heal.

I do want to give you an update. So, I’m not on my medication anymore due to the cost. Don’t fret because I am in a much better place right now and due to my wellness toolbox, I am bouncing back much easier than before. I’ve had my heart broken, I’ve begun a new relationship, I’ve moved from my old place, I’ve graduated college, I’m practicing more self-awareness and overall I am having more peaceful moments.

Now, I won’t lie to you. It was very hard. Very Very Very hard. There were nights during the past few months where I cried my eyes out and didn’t think I was going to make it. I depended on a lot of people to support me and I became discouraged at many intervals. I’m not claiming to be magically healed nor would I insult you all by giving you a step-by-step to recovery (since it’s relative anyway).

However I will say this, I am not at a low. My lows aren’t as low as they used to be and my highs are higher than ever. I can look in the mirror at least 3x a week and smile and say “you are beautiful” and mean it. I am experiencing increased happiness and I am amble to better catch myself in negative thinking instead of ruminating.

What I want to do is to share something with you. I want to help those who have suffered like I have or who are currently suffering. Depression, although it is getting a bit more talked about, is still an illness that is underestimated. It takes lives and robs souls. What I want to do is use my time, talents, and gifts to help others.

One thing that I am doing is inviting people to my Facebook challenge “30 Days of You”. Don’t worry, it’s free. I just want to help others.

The 30 Day Challenge is 30 Days of improvement, healing, support, and growth. The idea is that each participant chooses some goal they want to accomplish and stick with it continuously throughout the 30 Days. The goal can be completely personal, so “practicing self-love techniques for 30 days” or “learning to eat healthier” or “drinking more water”.

For some of you it could even be “get out of bed” or “smile at my reflection” and that’s okay 🙂

I’ve created a page called “30 Days of Fabulous” and the idea is to utilize it as a support system for the participants. So we post pictures, comment, share our stories and support one another in our endeavors. I would invite you to join the group and to join the event.

Ideally, one day I want this to become some sort of campaign or even a movement ^_^ that would be awesome. For now though, I just want to reach as many people as I can and support them to the best of my ability.

I hope if you’re reading this Dear Reader, you will join the event or at least share it with someone else.

Here’s the link to the 30 Days of Fabulous Page:

Here is the link to the 30 Days of You Event:

Sorry for the atypical post but I just had to say that 🙂

Thank you so much Dear Reader and I hope to see some or all of you in the challenge.



Good Evening Dear Reader,

It has been awhile since I last posted. I am happy to say that I am recovering from the depressive episode that I had a few months ago.

If you’ve been following my journey, you already know that I started medication in November. In January, I started a Cognitive Behavioral Program and tomorrow is my last day.

During the program I’ve learned many helpful things and I feel more prepared to handle the lows. This post is a testament to my recovery,

What I’ve learned through the program:
1. I don’t have to be perfect and hold myself to such high standards.
2. I can strive for progress, not perfection.
3, Small steps are better than no steps at all.
4. I am good as I am right now, and I will appreciate all that I do.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m at 100% because I am not. I’m more at 70% but at least I am functioning. A few months ago, I was at 10%. So I did make progress and I’m proud of that.

I am learning to be more gentle with myself. Loving myself is essential to recovery and I try to do small things to be kind to myself: like watch an episode of anime, read an article etc.

I’ve also decided that as a writer, I want to use my writing as an avenue to help people who suffer from this illness as well as inform those with misconceptions about depression.

Although the perfectionist in me wants to go out and try conquering the world, I know that I need to lighten my load and take better care of myself. I mean, I do feel like I am back to the functioning range but at the same time, I think I need to be careful right now.

There are some things I want to share with you Dear Reader. Especially if you suffer from depression. There are 5 steps to recovery.

1. Hope
Always have hope that things will get better. Even on those days when you feel like everything is in turmoil, keep a little hope in your heart.

2. Connection
Connecting with others definitely has kept me from withdrawing/isolating. When I have my lows, I tend to withdraw from everyone (including my loved ones) so to help with that, I schedule social connection time. I call my mom on a daily basis (even for just 5 min), I watch anime with a friend weekly, and I try to have lunch with at least 1 friend each week. This has helped so much.

3. Empowerment
I know that I am searching for things that empower me. I feel empowered when I write (hence the blog) or draw. I try to find empowerment in the little things as well (doing the dishes or making it out of bed more).

4. Self-Responsibility
If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you know that I am a firm believer in doing all that I can to help heal. I was very reluctant to try medication. At the end of the day though, I asked myself “What can I personally do to help me heal?” and “Am I doing all that is necessary to help my recovery?” These questions pushed me towards the medicine, COG program, and self love. I thought I was powerless in this. I felt and believed that depression made me powerless, but that’s not true. There are many things I can do to help heal. I can be nice to myself, I can go to therapy, I can take my meds, etc. I have more power than I feel I do.

5. A Meaningful Life
To be honest, I wasn’t quite clear on this one. In my opinion, this means do things that are meaningful to you. What has meaning for me? I know that writing is very meaningful to me, so I try to do it more often. I know that music is meaningful to me, so I listen to it daily. Things like that.

Sorry for such a long post. I hope anyone finds even a piece of this useful. Don’t get me wrong, I am not claiming at all to be cured of depression. Rather, I am saying I have made progress, and fighting off the episodes is a lot easier since I’ve gained skills to help me manage.

I hope you find this helpful Dear Reader and I hope you have a pleasant evening.


Hello Dear Reader,

It’s been a while.

I would like to tell you that all is well and that I have ha less “episodes” recently.

Well there’s always the good and the bad.

Looking at the positive, I’ve been on my Herbalife program for over 90 days. In this time I’ve gained the ability to run without a burning sore feeling in my chest.

What I’m most happy about is that on October 20th I realized for the first time in my life, I was in a picture and didn’t feel fat. Whenever I’ve been in pictures in the past I felt like I was taking up so much space. I felt like I took up half the world sometimes. Recently though, I don’t feel that way and that’s important to me. I don’t have a six pack her but at least my self-confidence has gone up. That’s good nutrition for you.

Also good news, I’ve been making new friends recently, and that has given me some happiness. We are still learning more about each other but overall, I enjoy spending time with them and I feel like I’m getting out of my shell a bit more.

So, on the flip side…I’ve had so many darker days it’s unbelievable. I don’t know why because good things have happened recently. Yet, I find myself lying on my couch, afraid of leaving my dorm because I don’t trust myself to keep it together.

I’ve had more breakdowns and I’ve burst into tears in public on more than one occasion.

Sometimes I don’t understand myself or this illness…it can be so hard to just be okay and it’s not productive at all. I have missed a few classes recently because sometimes I just don’t trust myself in the car or walking to class. I know that sounds terrible, but is rather hide myself away then go out and do something I can’t take back.

I don’t want to…but the inclination has been growing stronger lately.

In any case, one friend recommended allowing myself to cry and acknowledging my feelings.

But what do you do when you want to cry everyday? How does that help you in the real world? How can you function when all you can think about is darkness?

I don’t know, but I’m not happy with this life sometimes. Sometimes my biggest accomplishment is getting out of bed.

I’m sure anyone going through the same things wishes we could just flip a switch and be okay. I do, I wish that my emotions wouldn’t cripple my ability to function.

I’m sure there’s a way to overcome it all. It’s not a matter of will, determination, or drive. We all have it within us. It’s not a state of mind, if so, we could all overcome it.

It’s something else entirely and if so we have to think of new ways to battle it. Alcohol and drugs won’t help. It just masks the pain and agony.

The solution to it has to be something else. I want to know, because living everyday feeling as if I’m fighting myself is draining and it’s not for me. I’m almost to the point where I want to give up but I know I can’t.

All I can say to those like me is don’t give up…all we can do is hold on to our bootstraps, learn to love and accept ourselves and seek help, support, and guidance from others. As of now, those are our options.

What I learned today:
1. Sometimes you have to let go of the image of yourself and be who you are in the moment: this helps with self acceptance.

2. You are not weak if you can’t make it. Everyone has to take a step back, and even if you take more steps then others, be proud of everything.

3. Be proud of making it out of the bed. Be proud of opening your eyes when you wake up. Appreciate every accomplishment, no matter how small.

Well, I hope you have an amazing day Dear Reader, and I hope to write soon 🙂

The Road Thus Far (Part 1)

Hello Dear Reader,

I know it has been so long since my last post and many things have been happening to me.

For starters, I got a promotion at my on-campus work study job. I was so happy because I had wanted in since I started this job in 2010. Well, this is a work-study job. For those you do not know, a work-study job is a job you can get if you are awarded work-study (a type of governmental grant) in your financial aid package.

The problem that I am facing for this semester is that my financial package has not been awarded to me due to my parents filing their taxes late as well as some other mishaps. This means that I do not have work-study and thus cannot work at my job anymore…and I just got that promotion…so feeling pretty sucky about that still.

On a good note, I’ve been seeing many changes being on my Herbalife program. If you remember a few posts ago, 11 days into my program and I was already seeing results. Well, today is the 64th day that I’ve been on my program and I have some more results to share:

Age: 21
Height: 5 Feet, 2.5 inches
Weight: 184.0–> 181.7–> 178.1 (aiming for 141)
Body Fat %: 43.1–> 41.1–>40.0 (aiming for 20%)
Body Water %: 41.1–>42.4–>43. 2 (aiming for 50%)
Muscle Mass: 99.5–> 101.6 –> 101.5 (aiming for 120)
Physique Rating: 3–>same–>same (aiming for 6)
BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate): 1537–>1555–>1549
Metabolic Age: 64–>59–>55 (aiming for 21)
Bone Mass: 5.4–> same–> same (This is okay)
Visceral Fat: 7–>same–> 6 (aiming for 4)

I am waiting until I hit the 90 day mark before I take my follow up pictures but many people have said that I’m much smaller. I’ll be honest, the numbers don’t impress me as much (minus the weight because it’s been months since I’ve been in the 70’s) but what does impress me is the ability to fit into pants that had been sitting in my closet for months on end. It is a good feeling to be able to fit into your clothes and not feel fat. That has been the most amazing thing for me.

Also, I used to binge eat a lot when I was younger and due to the stress of everything, I’ve been stress eating the past week or so. I’m pretty sure if I wasn’t stress eating my numbers would be better, but it is mighty impressive that I’m still getting results.

In addition to that, I’ve seen improvements in my physical ability. I’ve actually been able to run 10 min on a treadmill without stopping and last week I walked at an incline of 6 for 20 minutes then followed that up with a 10 min run at speed 5.

Never in my life would I imagine that I could run for so long…let alone that speed. It was crazy and amazing and I do love this Herbalife.

I just wish my personal problems didn’t get in the way.

As far as the depression goes, I’m still not on medication (don’t want to be) and I’m still going to Cognitive Therapy. I’m trying so hard to put things in perspective. To see the positive side of things and not to let the external effect my internal.

Well, that can work if you’re dealing with one stress factor at a time. When your finances, academic career, living situation, roommate drama, and relationships are stressing you out all at once, it can be very difficult to deal with that.

I am writing because I am fed up. I am tired and I want things to be better. There’s been a lot of obstacles popping up in my life the past few weeks and it’s so hard to even function (let alone succeed).

Part one ends with this:

-Something has to come out of this struggle I’m going through. Either I gain something or become a better person in the end…but there has to be something. I am hopeful, but my hope and tolerance for setbacks are a little bit low and I’m getting close to the “I can’t do this anymore” point.


Hello Dear Reader,

Firstly. I am feeling much better since my last post. I haven’t done anything special, I just rode the wave of emotion until I felt better.

Today I slept until the last minute but still managed to make a green smoothie and Herbalife shake for breakfast this morning.

I plan on having a green smoothie each day. That sounds like it’ll be good for me.

Today I actually got to write. I finally finished that paper that had been due in May. It was difficult but I’m finally done…I can now enjoy the last week of my summer….yay?

Anyway, today I wrote a few scenes for the fanfiction Jen and I are writing together. Hopefully I can finish chapter 3 today so my readers won’t hate me.

I went to the gym with Kim today. It was challenging but a good workout. I did a full body workout and it was awesome.

Things that I’ve learned today:

1. Workouts are so much easier to push through when you have a buddy. For some reason, I was able to do more with Kim then I can by myself.

2. Drink water all the time. After being on the Herbalife program I can actually tell when I’m dehydrated. It kinda sucks but it’s also awesome because I can hear my body tell me what it needs.

That’s all I have for now. Hope you all have an awesome day 🙂


Hello Dear Reader,

I am feeling super excited today. Let me first say that this Herbalife program that I’ve been on is turning out to be beneficial. Let me first say that I am not a runner. I’m the type of person to make it outside of my door and be out of breath. Anyway, I go to FitCamp Mondays and Wednesdays and this week I went on Saturday. We begin and end each workout with a short jog and although I don’t stop, I’m always the last to finish.

This past Saturday I went to FitCamp and this time during our warm-up run, I noticed I was in front of a lot of people. I asked my coach Jess “Is everyone slowing down or am I getting faster?” I started laughing because the thought of me getting faster is ridiculous.

I could keep up with the group and I my chest was not on fire for once. I pushed myself though the workout and felt amazing afterwards. Even Susan, another coach told me that she sees me improving every time. A person came up to me afterwards and said “Hey, slow down, you’re making me look bad.” Talk about a confidence boost 😀

Basically, I took a huge leap of faith trying this Herbalife and thus far I’m satisfied. I hope it keeps getting better.

This morning I went on a hike and I felt great throughout the whole hike. It was a pretty easy hike but I was so proud of myself. Anyway, the more I continue with this program, the more I want to promote it. It’s pretty good thus far. If I can see my abs by the time school starts, I’ll be a real believer.

On another note. I’m trying to network and get my name out in the world. I connected with two people at the hike today and I am happy about it. This week has been pretty busy. I didn’t do everything I wanted to this week but it hasn’t got me down. I’ve been consistently feeling up and I like it.



Changes Already

Hello Dear Reader,

So as I told you last time. I can fit into two of my “Cannot Fit” pile of pants. I’m pretty happy and hopefully I can see more changes. I did another wellness evaluation today so I have updated numbers. Here’s my old and new ones:

Age: 21

Height: 5 Feet, 2.5 inches

Weight: 184.0–> 181.7 aiming for 141

Body Fat %: 43.1–> 41.1aiming for 20%

Body Water %: 41.1–>42.4 aiming for 50%

Muscle Mass: 99.5–> 101.6 aiming for 120

Physique Rating: 3–>same; aiming for 6

BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate): 1537–>1555

Metabolic Age: 64–>59 aiming for 21

Bone Mass: 5.4–> same; This is okay

Visceral Fat: 7–>same; aiming for 4

So I’ve only been on the Herbalife products for 11 days and I’m seeing changes so I’m pretty happy.

I went to fit camp today so I am proud of myself because I wasn’t going to go. I told myself that I can’t slack off anymore. This week has been hectic and I’ve neglected my body a little so this morning I told myself “no more.” I can’t fall back, I have to keep pushing forward.

What I learned:

1. “You don’t know how good you can feel until you start feeling good”~ Coach Jess

2. Working out can be tough at first but the more you do it the better you feel.

3. Nutrition matters. I had worked out on and off for a while alone but never had worked on my nutrition. I had never felt that good feeling people say you’re supposed to feel after working out until I started working on my nutrition.

4. Have an accountabilibuddy. Have someone who can hold you accountable for the things you need to accomplish.

That’s all for now, I hope you all have an amazing and hopefully healthy day 🙂

Day by Day

Hello Dear Reader,

So today I went to the dentist. He didn’t say that I need to floss more and in fact said that everything looked good. That was an awesome part of the day. So, floss and brush often. I actually don’t floss everyday but going from not at all to a few times a week seemed to make a difference, so I recommend it.

After I actually went to the military base to pick up my new medicine but honestly it took an hour to get a ticket which allows me access to my real ticket. After I got my real ticket, I discovered there was a 2 hour wait so I’ve decided to just pick it up tomorrow so I won’t have to wait. At least I’m closer to crossing this off my to do list.

My friend Kim went with me and we discussed my idea to join Herbalife. I’m really hesitant because if the products do work and the business venture is successful, I will have taken a step up on the ladder of personal success. However, if one or neither of those work for me…not only have I wasted my money, but my hope for the improvement of my health will go down.

I’m really trying to stay hopeful. To say “Shannon, you’re beautiful and although you’re not where you want to be, you’re almost there.”

I went to FitCamp again tonight (yay me!) but I felt really crappy during. That might be because I ate about an hour before I went but either way I didn’t feel as good as I did on Monday and I’m honestly feeling a bit discouraged.

I am at a crossroads. Right now it feels as if I will either teeter toward continued progress or digression. I knew this moment would come. It always does and I usually digress. I don’t know if any of you have felt this way: you’re doing something for a period of time and then you lose steam and end up going back to your old ways. Well that’s how I feel but my mind is desperately trying to hold on. I’m tired of settling for mediocrity. I’m tired of always returning to the safe-haven of my bad habits.

Here’s my game plan:

1.Give myself a pep talk in the morning and throughout the day

2. Remind myself how good I feel when I do the things I set out to do. Blogging for instance makes me incredible happy for some reason.

3. Breathe. I get so anxious that I panic and give up.

4. Take it day by day.

5. Keep it pushing and stay hopeful.

One thing I can say about myself is that I never lose hope. Even with depression, I have hope that I’ll be healed one day. I have hope that I’ll become a doctor and one day be financially responsible. I honestly don’t know where it comes from. I think that if you work hard enough you can accomplish anything.

Okay, one thing that I recommend for everyone is to take a moment and reflect on your accomplishments and what you’re grateful for.

Today I filled out applications for internships, emailed my professors, resisted a tempting bag of famous amos cookies, went to fit camp, and blogged 🙂

I am grateful for my friend Kim who kept me company today and talked with me.

I am grateful for being able to work at all.

I am grateful for having a love of writing.

I am grateful for the peace that I am experiencing at this moment.

I am grateful for FitCamp.

Well here’s what I learned today:

1. Sometimes you’re going to feel down and that’s okay

2. Try your best at whatever you do and you can’t go wrong-Good is good enough 🙂

3. Sometimes a hot shower can be your best friend

I guess just have hope because hope can be really helpful when you’re down, but it can also be dangerous. The reason that I haven’t fallen into the deeper parts of my depression is because I have hope that I won’t feel the same way the next day. On the flip side, the reason I spend so much money on weight loss and workout products is because I’m hopeful something will work. I need balance -_- that’s my biggest thing, I don’t have a good balance.

Oh, on a nerdier note, in the spirit of comic con which I unfortunately cannot go to:

I would definitely be a blue lantern


The Most Important Meal

Good Morning Dear Reader,

So, I’m seriously considering becoming a health coach for the herbalife team/company. I really want to be a doctor in the future so being a health coach may help me reach my goal.

I think an important thing is to be aware of your health needs. I think about my health everyday, sometimes a bit too much. There was a time where every conversation was about health magazines and tips (much to my social circle’s annoyance) but I try to keep a good balance.

Today I started out with 24 ounces of water. I drunk it while I cooked my breakfast. I made one egg mixed with a variety of healthy spices (turmeric, ginger, pepper, smoked paprika) mixed with a bit of crabmeat (from Costco) and I threw on some smoked salmon onto the frying pan (also from Costco). I’m trying I get in more protein into my diet. I also made a large cup of blueberry slim tea to go with my meal. I’m aiming for 72 ounces or more of water/tea so I’m already off to a good start this morning.

I also made 24 ounces of oolong tea to drink throughout the day. I would hate to get another kidney stone and I want to increase my health so I’m all for drinking teas. 🙂

I also had some strawberry activia yogurt and an apple. I think this is a good start to the day.

Actually breakfast and dinner tend to be my healthiest meals. It’s usually lunch that messes me up. So I’m going to try to watch that more closely.

Also, I’ve gotten this health-related moleskin notebook that I plan on starting today (even though it’s not Monday) and we’ll see how that goes.

Feeling pretty hopeful. Also, I’ve decided to go pick up that antidepressant from the doctor today. I’m nervous but I’m sure if I keep doing what I’ve been doing, I’ll be just fine ^.^





Dear Reader,

So, last week I was in Hawaii and honestly was having too much fun to blog. I know, I’m so bad -_-

Anyway, this is just about my adventures.

Firstly, I’ve learned that when I’m away from home, it’s a lot easier to reach my fitness and self-love goals. After having lunch with a friend (Kim) yesterday, we discovered this little epiphany.

Anyway, on my first day, my friend Jennie picked me up from the airport and she showed me a few sites before my parents flew in.

I’m super in love with Japanese culture. When I found out the majority population in Hawaii is of Asian descent and that Japanese is regularly spoken I told her I was ready to live in Hawaii right then and there.

We had a nice Japanese lunch (takoyaki-fried octopus and onigiri-rice balls) and went around to visit various shops and such.

Another thing about me: when I go to new places, it’s my mission to find a shot glass with the name of the place, a post card, and something with a turtle on it. Example: I took a Shakespeare class in London and found some amazing turtle earrings 😀 I’m super obsessed with turtles. Lol Turtles are so popular in Hawaii, I almost lost my mind with joy.

We took a ton of pictures at the mall because they actually had koi fish there. I was so shocked.

One of my goals for my Hawaii trip was to participate in some self-love activities. Jennie and I are writing a collaborative fan fiction (more on this later) and I really wanted to finish at least a page or two before returning home (I ended up writing like 7). When I write, I feel happy and good about myself. Because of this, I’m trying to write a little everyday. This will not only help with the self-love piece but also help with my depression.

On the ride to the place my family and I were staying at, Jennie and I started brainstorming ideas for our story. This was a huge accomplishment because instead of just a mental idea, our story was verbal and one step closer to being written.

I spent half of my time with my family and the other half with Jennie.

I was able to get a pearl from an oyster which was super amazingly fantastic!

I laid out on the beach with Jennie and swam in the ocean with my little sisters. They’re 12 and 9 and had to save me from being swept away from the ocean…-_- sad but I’m not hating on them lol I just need more practice.

I went to a luau with my family. We had a tasty dinner and enjoyed a chance to witness the Hawaiian cultural dances. We saw fire dances, hula, and I even was taught to weave a headdress from coconut leaves. I threw a spear and drank from a coconut. It was great.

On another day, Jennie and I went to a cute local cafe and just wrote. It was so peaceful and I felt like I was the queen of my world. ^_^

Most days I woke up an went for a 1 mile walk before doing some crunches, jumping jacks, and squats. I pushed myself and felt great. Every morning I had fruit, yogurt and a small bowl of cereal for breakfast. I talked with my family and felt closer than ever to them.

I took a ton of pictures and tasted many different foods.

Overall it was a dream vacation for me.

What I learned about that is:

1. Identify activities that make you truly happy.

2. Taking baby steps towards your goals can be really helpful. Mini goals add up to major goals 🙂

3. Having a friend to make appointments with can help you keep appointments. So I made appointments with Jennie to just write and we kept those appointments. Through each other we were able to take steps toward our individual goals.

4. Take pictures of things that make you smile so that you can look back on them and smile again ^_^

5. Sometimes when it comes to fitness goals, you have to just not think and do it. It doesn’t have to be you running a marathon, but do a little something everyday and be proud.

6. Taking pictures and just enjoying the outside and all it’s wonders can be uplifting. Just enjoying the blueness of the ocean or the coolness of the breeze or even the feel of grass beneath you or the rain on your skin can really make you feel alive. Of course pictures can never truly capture the world’s beauty but at least a picture can ignite the memory of what you felt when you appreciated nature. My pictures fill me with so much feeling because during those moments prior to taking the picture, I allowed the world to make an impression on my heart.

Okay obviously we can’t all just go on vacation and I can’t just live a self-love and fulfilling life only when I’m away from home. I have to cultivate what I learned and did there into my life here in San Diego. I was so at peace even though there were a few stressful times. The stress didn’t stress me out and I was able to maintain a peace. What is true for all of us, dear reader, is that we all need to find ways to cultivate peace in our lives.

Things that I’m working on:

1. Implementing what I learned in Hawaii here at home.

2. Continuing to show myself love and compassion.

3. Giving myself positive affirmations.

4. Learning to count on myself an conversely being there for myself. So if I say, “Shannon, tomorrow we are going to get up early and blog” I need to work on keeping the commitments I make to myself.

5. Learning to take time to feel but not letting my feelings interfere with my needs and responsibilities

Since I’ve been back I feel as if I’ve lost that peace…and I want it back. I want to have peace when I’m at home, not just when I’m away from home. Unfortunately I don’t know how to maintain that peace but I am working on finding out how. So that’s where I am today.