Good Morning Dear Reader,
Heads up. This will be a long one ^_^
So, I didn’t right yesterday and I think that’s okay. Although I do feel slightly guilty, I’m just going to keep the good times rollin 😀
So. I wanted to take this opportunity to be completely authentic and vulnerable and share with you my story. Don’t worry, I will not be asking for a dollar (haha)
So, my name is Shannon. I’m 22, just graduated from college, and I over think literally every experience that occurs in my life. I am a Pisces and am more sensitive than (insert appropriate metaphor here)…lots of things I suppose. I was born in the year of the Monkey and I am uber playful, at times to a fault but I never mean any harm. I am super affectionate, over share, and wear my heart on my sleeve, shirt, and pants apparently. I don’t go a week without getting my feelings hurt or feeling like crying due to the intense emotions I feel. At the same time, I never go a week without feeling such joy that I feel like I’ll burst into rainbows. This is beyond frustrating but it’s also wonderful.
I am religious, I believe in God and that Jesus died on the cross but I disagree with how God can be presented in formal church. I visualize God as the ultimate Father who teaches us how to be better people and that Earth is simply a “school” of sorts to prepare us for the afterlife. I also think that those who are “bad” continue to stay here until they can learn to be good, mostly through karma or reincarnation especially because I think a God who is all good and perfect would not let a single lamb be outside his heaven. So instead he keeps us all in a pasture until we can learn the ways of goodness.
I honestly don’t know what religion I fall into anymore. I was raised Catholic/Protestant and now I’m just “A Child of God”with non-traditional beliefs.
In addition to this, I am very into mysticism and magickal studies (Magic: slight of hand and Magick: energy manipulation). I think that God set up many information systems for us here on Earth (the stars, the planets, the energy fields etc) in order to allow us to educate ourselves and become closer to him. I’ve been studying the moon cycle and reading a book called The Modern Guide to Witchcraft by Skye Alexander. It makes me happy to explore these things.
I will never impose my beliefs on others and I’m not saying this to sound assertive in anyway or cause an argument…but that’s what my reality is and that is what is true for me-independently of anyone else.
I think that everyone deserves a chance and a second chance. I also believe that if someone is being too negative in your life to the point where you are effected emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically, it is okay to not be around them for the sake of your own health.
I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder but I can proudly say that I am no longer in a depressive state. I am bubbly and only certain people can handle my personality.
That’s some basic stuff.
Now, I write so I can help those who are depressed. I sometimes think that in sharing my story, other people can be inspired or maybe find something that resonates with them. I don’t know if this is the case but I keep writing in hopes that someone who is silent or in the darkness finds solace in my words.
So, I’ve been blogging for awhile at this point and I am sometimes very conflicted about what I write. I recognize that I can have a powerful voice and honestly that scares me. I believe that if I am who I am, either I or my peers couldn’t handle it so most often I hide myself from the world.
I am still learning who I am and I am always becoming someone new. I’ve been testing out this “DiaDora” persona. It’s not anything too different but I’m liking it so far so I’m going to run with it ^_^
What I’m learning is:
1. “Those who mind, don’t matter
And those who matter, don’t mind.”
As simple as this is, it is very true. It’s so hard to grasp this at times.
2. Life is hard. Point, blank, period.
It doesn’t get any easier but instead we grow as people and adapt to it.
This has been a challenge too because sometimes when we are sitting alone in our closet wrapped up in a blanket or in our beds we think that we might not be as depressed when things get better. Honestly, life itself is objective. It is us who can have the power to determine or change our realities. i don’t think life is easier right now. In fact, it may be more challenging than it was 5 months ago but what is different is that I’ve learned new skills to help me cope and not fall back into the darkness.
3. As long as I keep an open mind and keep growing, I believe in my heart that things will ultimately be okay.
Point, blank, period.
4. You have to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything.
Yes, cheesy lyrics can get it right sometimes.
5. If I don’t define myself, others are able to do it for me. I am not a prism to be imposed upon. I am full of my own light and I don’t need the light of others to define me.
Trust me, this is very hard to believe when your mind is clouded with negativity but even just writing it makes me feel empowered.
6. I can literally do anything.
I am so afraid of myself that I don’t allow myself to be great. I’m still struggling with this but I’m working on it daily. It’s like I’m afraid of my own greatness. I do not know why and I also don’t know what will happen when I let the greatness out but slowly and surely I am getting there.
7. Thoughts and emotions are powerful. They create your reality.
Sometimes I have to just tell myself and believe that I’m just the baddest beezy on the face of the Earth. If I believe that I am nothing, than that is what I am. Thoughts and emotions are so powerful. When I was in CBT they taught me that you have to get in control of your thoughts in order to help heal from depression. According to their theory, thoughts supersede emotions so if you control your thoughts you can control your emotions and ultimately control your perception of reality. I partially agree with this. Emotions and thoughts are indeed powerful and can force you to move. Just make sure they are moving you in the right direction.
8. It will be okay even when I feel that it’s not.
Sometimes I really have to look at my life objectively and ask myself “is this isolated incident going to change my life? Is it going to matter in a year?” I have to be careful because I have to ask myself these questions without denying or belittling my experience.
I’ve also been watching this Spirit Science series on Youtube. I’m not imposing but watching it does make me feel stronger and somehow more empowered. Here’s a link to it.
Also…I’m not apologizing for stating my truth, but I hate stepping on toes and I do apologize if I’ve angered anyone or said something offensive because that was not my intent.
This was kind of a lot and I hope this helps in some small way.
Until next time Dear Reader,