Trudging Up The Past

Good evening Dear Reader,

I’ll be frank. Today sucked.

Over a year ago I began working on a self help book for managing depression. It has a few practical tips that one can implement into their day-to-day. Within the book, I have my personal story and after I wrote it I put it down until yesterday.

I was editing the personal story portion because it was the last piece of the work and it was…challenging to say the least.

Writing an autobiographical piece about all the things that lead me here made me feel as if I was reliving my experience which is by no means a fun afternoon activity.

It was painful, raw, and I considered scraping the project altogether. Yet, I feel deep down that this book will be important to someone. That someone out there needs this book so I continued writing.

I spent most of the day recovering, napping and doing some self love activities. Even in saying that, I judge myself a little because the fact that I needed to do that makes me feel weak. However, I also acknowledge that allowing myself the space for weakness and vulnerability are important and that’s where growth happens.

I will be continuing with the book, though I will give myself a day or two to settle before I start editing again.

My support system offered me solace, space and a listening ear and that was amazing. All of my romantic partners gave me what I needed today as well, a very good friend listened intently and helped me process some of the knots and tangles in my soul.

It was still painful because I’m the one experiencing the things. But it was not an unnecessarily cruel experience. I was able to ease my way in and out of the painful parts and for that I am grateful to them.

The moral of the day I suppose is give yourself space to feel and to hurt. It is an important space to create for yourself.

Have a wonderful evening Dear Reader.

Much love and warm regards,

Shannon M.

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