Good Evening Dear Reader,
Lately I have been contemplating what really makes me, well, Me.
I’ve noticed that I’m a lot happier with my life as a whole, and memories and experiences don’t hurt as much as they used to. I’m experiencing a lot less anxiety and depressive episodes than I’m used to. I’m not sure if meditating has helped or if it’s just getting the things that I need.
Side note: I have literally written down a list of “Shannon’s Needs” and pretty much everything on that list is met.
In any case, all this meditating has led me to look inside. My new partner, Andrew, loves music. It’s his passion and when I see him making songs and beats, I see on his face how passionate about it he is…he makes time monthly if not weekly to dedicate to his passion…I can’t help myself both admiring and envying him a bit (even though I love him).
I feel like I’ve fallen out of my groove on a creative level, and that’s hard to deal with. I’ve been so consumed with working lately and being on the grind that I don’t have the energy or desire to fulfill my passions…and it kind of sucks.
That even makes me question, what am I even passionate about? I thought I was passionate about writing because it feels me with great joy and I can’t imaging my life without it…and yet, how can it be my passion when I’m living a writing-less life…I haven’t written any stories or fan fictions lately. I have been writing songs with Andrew and I do read daily to keep up my writing skills but it’s just not enough and I don’t know how to go from where I am now to where I want to be.
This is very frustrating Dear Reader. How can I be passionate about writing or drawing if I don’t do it? Is what you’re passionate about defined by what you do and enjoy the most? If so, am I just passionate about work since I dedicate my time to it and I enjoy it? I’m not sure and it certainly puts many doubts in my mind.
It is odd because I do have the deep desire to write my stories, but it seems like I never make time for it. I’m not sure if thats because I’m afraid I’m no good, or if inspiration has really left me.
I don’t want to be another person on this planet who leaves their dreams and passions behind just to work and such.
I want to live an enriching life where not only am I providing for my family’s needs but I’m also enriching my spirit with my passions. That is what I want, but for now I am lost and “just do it” hasn’t really been working for me lately.
I’m not sure how to get back into the groove…but I’m sure I will 🙂
Things tend to work themselves out so I won’t get too down about it.
Sorry to rant, but I felt like it was essential.
Before I go, I do want to give some advice. I have found meditating to be very beneficial and I recommend it. Set a timer and try for 5 mins then steadily work your way up to 20. 20 minutes is challenging to me right now but I want to keep at it. I feel like it has contributed to my improved mental state. I hope it works for you as well 🙂
Well I hope you have a good night Dear Reader, and I will post soon enough.
Shannon aka Diadora